i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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