Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
