I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
