Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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