Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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