SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
