The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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