were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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