I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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