This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
