i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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