thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
