I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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