mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
