i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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