our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
