I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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