"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
