where am i from again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
