rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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