you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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