You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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