apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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