I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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