I want to have your abortion
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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