We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
