addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
