And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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