Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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