Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
