and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
