I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ladies don't puke and tell
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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