it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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