i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
