Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am one with the molecules
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
