Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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