I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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