he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
