Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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