Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
