ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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