Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
