We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
