someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
