Do you still have your period?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
