There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
