During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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