He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
