So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
