she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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