Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
