your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
