i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
