Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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