Fuck appropriateness.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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