Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
