sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
