Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
