You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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