just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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