i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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