I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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