it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
