i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
