He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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