That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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