So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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