I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize