So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
