I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize