I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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