i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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